Saturday, October 24, 2009

enlightened relationships

....this is a continuation from this morning's blog (see next blog below)....

It was David Simon (co-founder of the Chopra Center) who talked about enlightened relationships at the “Renewal Workshop”. Mature, enlightened relationships are based on equality.

I am beneath no one
I am above no one

(Namaste = the being in me recognizes the being in you and recognizes that we are the same)

But Gabor Mate also had something to say about mature attachment relationships. Acceptance in the context of adult-to-adult relationships may mean simply acknowledging that the other is the way he or she is; not judging them and not corroding ones own soul with resentment that they are not different. The belief that anyone “should” be any different than he or she is is toxic to oneself, to the other and to the relationship. Although we believe we are acting out of love, when we are critical of others or work very hard to change them, it’s always about ourselves. I realize I can sometimes (many times….) be in denial of my self-righteousness. I have no right to stand in front of others telling them I have no baggage….I have baggage and sometimes (many times) it controls me. But part of my personal development is realizing that I have control over my thoughts and feelings and I can choose to lose those that no longer serve me.

But I need to point the finger back at me and ask myself what am I hiding? What feelings do I need to work through? Insecurity? Fear? Fear of being used …. taken for granted ….unappreciated….abandoned….that’s my baggage.

Attachment relationships are based on truth. Anyone who thinks she does not have plenty of her own spiritual or psychological work to do is not in touch with the truth.

It feels good to shed my cloak of self-righteousness and admit I was wrong about many things. And to anyone who had to stand up against that wall I put up….I’m sorry.